Armani's Story

Wow...almost a year had passed since we finalized Priscilla's adoption. Once again...we soon heard from the Lund Family Center. I was out at the pool relaxing with my two most favorite girls when my husband came out. He made idle chat for a bit and then he said, "Wanda Audette just called." He apprehensively said, "She wanted to know if we would be interested in an infant." Not truly believing him...I said, "Right...don't play like that, you know it's not nice." He said, "I'm not! She wants us to call her back with the details." Still not quite sure if this was a joke or not I said, "Okay...well what did she say?" He told me some sketchy details (but enough so I knew he couldn't have made it up) and said she wants to know if we are interested and to call her back. I immediately said, "Well YEAH!!! Lets call her back!" He said, "Are you sure...it's a baby that isn't even born yet." I told him that if a child needed us it didn't matter. Thus...the roller coaster ride of a life time was set in motion.

We returned Wanda's call and she told us that an agency in New Jersey had called her to see if she could help place a baby who had a pre-natal diagnosis of Dandy Walker Syndrome. Apparently they had, had no luck in finding anyone willing to accept this baby. For those who don't know, Dandy Walker is a disease that profoundly affects a baby physical and mental development. It typically affects girls, and all have hydrocephalus and severe to profound mental retardation with disfigurements as well as gross motor issues. We had no doubts about accepting this baby and knew that if this baby was meant to be ours than he/she would soon be home. We learned that the birth mom had 5 other children. Birth father was in jail. The birth mother made an adoption plan with his support and all were in agreement that this would be in the baby's best interest.

We had gotten the call about this baby in early July. We kept in close contact with our agency but during the next month the New Jersey agency (Golden Cradle Adoption Agency in Cherry Hill, NJ) had become distant. We knew the baby wasn't due until August 23 but we had hoped to have heard one way or another if we would be chosen as the family. We bought some baby things...a new crib, some clothes, diapers and necessities to be ready. All the while our agency had no news. They made several attempts to contact Golden Cradle no return calls were made. My mind raced thinking of all the what ifs. Finally on August 17th we got a call from Wanda. She said had spoken to the agency and learned that the baby, a boy, had been born on August 12th through a C-section and after a couple days had checked out of the hospital with the birth mother. We were told that the child had no visible signs of Dandy Walker and met all the criteria to go home with the exception of needing a monitor to check his heart/restorations. I had such mixed emotions about that call. I was both happy that the baby was with his birth mother but sad for myself. We had been led to believe that the baby would be ours and I felt the likelihood of this baby now coming to us was very slim. I grieved for a baby that wasn't even mine and just felt so sad. We had plans to take a vacation in Maine (a yearly tradition that we worked hard for) and so we left VT to enjoy the beaches although my heart was heavy.

We arrived in Maine on August 18th. We unloaded, unpacked and settled in. I can't say that my heart was in it. I was so irritable and I knew it wasn't fair to anyone. Disappointment consumed me. I was much like a child. I sulked, I snapped at everyone and nothing made me happy. I was just very upset. Dennis being the typical male had already moved on emotionally and I guess I should have too, but I couldn't. We were in Maine just two days of our 10 day vacation when we got a call again from Wanda. She said the agency in New Jersey wanted us to drive down to Cherry Hill. Apparently the birth mother wanted to meet us. There were no guarentee's that the mother would want the baby to come to us, but we decided to put it in God's hands. We spent the next few hours on the phone clearing up how it would be handled and then we closed up our motorhome and hit the highway. We told the campground what was going on and that we may or may not be back. They said if our spot was left vacant for more than 24 hours they would re-rent it out. So with no offer of a refund and knowing full well that there we no guarentees that we would have a baby...we packed up. We stopped by Vermont to pick up my mother who had agreed to watch the other children while we did what we had to. We got permission to park our 40' motorhome overnight in the agency parking lot since there hadn't been enough time to find a campground near and we had to meet the placement worker at 9:30 the next AM. We drove through the night and finally made it to the Golden Cradle parking lot around 1:00 AM on the 21st. We were surprised by a gentleman who knocked on our door at 6:30 AM, who worked at the agency. He had been informed as to who we were and wanted to be sure that we had everything we needed and directed us to stores/coffee shops in the area.

I was a wreck that AM. I don't think I slept more than 10 minutes at a time throughout the night. From the time I was up for the day (which was around 4:00 AM) I kept my eyes glued on all the people coming and going hoping to catch a glimpse of the birth mother whom we would meet. People came and went and soon the parking lot was full. Everyone pointed and stared at our motor home and I will admit...it probably WAS quite an odd sight.

At 9:20, Dennis and I entered the building. Both of us were a bit shabby looking and wasn't sure how our appearance would be taken. We met with a lady by the name of Anne Watson who explained the process. We were told that once we met with the birth mother and she signed over her rights, she would have 48 hours to withdraw if she was going to decide to keep the baby. This would mean that we had to endure more wait and worry. She instructed us to ask questions about her as well as the baby to show a genuine interest and said to mostly...just be ourselves.

During out time speaking with Anne, the birth mother, who's name is Alyssa met with a counselor which was provided by the agency. Apparently this same counselor had been with Alyssa since the adoption plan was made. Soon it was time to bring us together. We entered a bright room where Alyssa and her counselor had been meeting. The birth mother was a pretty girl with long brown hair. She appeared as nervous as us (wringing her hands and clutching a small picture in her hands.) Her counselor sat close with a hand on Alyssa's arm. She began the meeting introducing herself and then introducing Alyssa. I introduced myself and my husband followed suit. The air was so thick in the room, you could cut the tension, nerves and apprehension that we all exhibited. The counselor began to ask Dennis and I about ourselves and what we did for work and about our other children. It did not take long once we began to talk to feel very comfortable and it felt like Alyssa too relaxed. She spoke openly about her other children and how she wanted so much more for the baby who we learned was named Armani. We learned she was a hard worker who worked as an CNS in a nursing home. Shortly after she learned she was pregnant, she went to live with her mother who helped care for the children while she worked. Alyssa told us that she had her tubes tied but somehow became pregnant. As we talked...we all became relaxed. We shared some laughs which was odd considering the reason we were all there and the seriousness of what was happening. We soon learned that Alyssa had not wanted to bring the baby home but after it was discovered that Armani did not have Dandy Walker the agency wanted to re-evaluate whether or not Alyssa wanted to continue with the adoption plan. When she did...they then wanted to look at other families who passed on him when they felt he would be too physcially and mentally impaired. Alyssa said she told the agency she had not wanted to interview other families. She said, "I knew you were the people I wanted for my baby. I told them, if you were willing to take him thinking he would be so sick, then I wanted you to have him now that he isn't." We learned a lot about this baby. He was healthy with the exception of a Mega Cysterna Magna which is a tumor in the 4th ventricle of the brain, however would have NO impact on him. We learned that Alyssa had wanted to name him Dominic but that others convinced her that he needed a name that was more like his siblings. She also requested that we keep Armani as his name. Although I was not overly fond of it in the beginning, now I can't imagine him being anything BUT an Armani. With that 2 hour long meeting ended and Alyssa stood to walk out. I asked her for a hug and told her that I wanted her to make the best choice for her baby, but I would be so honored to be given the opportunity to love and care for her baby. She then reached to me...and we clung to each other and it was then she showed me the picture of Armani. She told me that she took it that day before she came but wasn't sure she wanted to share it. My mouth dropped open. He was the most perfect baby I'd ever seen and those little dark eyes burned a hole in my heart. I didn't know how I could possibly leave New Jersey without this baby but I also didn't know how I could take this precious boy away from a mother who was obviously making a life changing decision that she may regret. I was happy for us and sad for her. I knew she loved this baby...there was never a doubt about it. I thanked her and told her again, how much I respected that this was a very difficult decision to make. She walked out with her worker and the worked told Anne that they would be in touch. Apparently this worker was spending the night with Alyssa and her family and as soon as her final decision was made she would call Anne. However, until the baby was placed in the custody of this agency, the birth mother could change her mind.

We left the building and made arrangements at a campground. The wait was just as unbearable that night. There were still no guarentees that we would leave New Jersey with a baby or if we would return to VT empty handed. I don't think I've ever done so much praying. I prayed for the birth mother, I prayed for the birth father, I prayed for the siblings and all the people inbetween. It was 11:02 when the call came to come to the agency. They told us that Alyssa and the worker were on the way to the agency. They gave no other details. They said they would call us again to let us know what was happening. At 1:15 we got the call to come to the agency. Dennis and I packed back up the motorhome with our family and headed back to the agency. When we arrived they had us wait in an empty room. We then met Anne who told us that Alyssa had signed over the baby to the agency. We signed several forms and made the commitment to send pictures and letters throughout his first year of life with a verbal commitment to Alyssa that would would send at least one a year until he was 18.

It was finally time to meet our son. Anne went to a neighboring room and wheeled in this TINY little bundle. He was sound asleep and I was almost afraid to touch him. I asked if I could pick him up, as if I actually needed permission. Oh...he was so soft and smelled so good. It was then I totally broke down and lost all composure. All the tension...all the worry...all the stress...just flooded out of me. Anne left us all alone for a few minutes and then told us we were free to leave with the baby. I handed Armani to "daddy" and we proudly walked to the motor home to introduce our son, to his family.

The first thing we did was bring him to the bedroom and uncover him from head to toe. He still had his embilicord still attached. The girls and my youngest biological son all counted his toes and took turns holding him and then my mother got her turn.

Today our son is a happy, healthy 4 year old. He has been such an absolute blessing to us. Armani will begin full time kindergarten the end of August. He knows he has a tummy mommy...but for now has not asked any questions about his birth family. He knows he was adopted and when he is ready we will share the rest of what we know.